dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
