we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
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It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
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He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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