highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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