Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
did i walk over a car last night?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
