My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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