Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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