so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
