I met the friendliest cop last night
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
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