I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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