Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
