there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
