Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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