do you believe in love at first sight?
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.