TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...