They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
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Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
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He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.