Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
These 21 People Came Up With Hilarious Excuses For Their Hickies
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.