I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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