3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
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so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
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Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.