btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
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