Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
