I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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