I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
