There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
