i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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