he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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