how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
