he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
