whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
