NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
