dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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