70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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