i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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