Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
