thus making me awesome and them whores
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
