Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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