I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
