She went from zero to smokin in five shots
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
We had sex on a dog bed..
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
