You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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