And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
