The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
