I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
They have beer where we have blood.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
