Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
