lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
