Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize