he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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