my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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