I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize