My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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