btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
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I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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