I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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