my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
