sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
