allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
