hell yes lets make some ravioli
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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