go do what you do best...puke behind churches
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
