Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
