Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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