I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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