I puked a lego.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
