it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
