can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
