K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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