i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
