went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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