i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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