Umm I'm too high to move.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
