Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
