She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
