I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
